Tag Archives: You Are a Tourist

When there’s a burning in your heart

I just tried hot yoga for the first time. What a feat. Let’s imagine this for a moment. One incredibly hot room. You sweat just sitting there on a rented towel and mat. There are 30 some people there, barely clothed, also sweating. While you can’t necessarily smell the person next to you, there is some sort of odd stench that grows as the class goes on..and your fingers prune with all the sweat. Yes, this was me for an hour and a half.

So in the midst of the dizziness, the sweat and the smelliness, we have a stick thin instructor telling us how to stretch, how we will never have arthritis and will all be beautiful gods and goddesses. And while she tells me how to how breath, slowly in and out of my nose, I am struggling just to stay in the room. After a while, it became hard just to move back and forth without finding myself back in my asthmatic days, strained for breath and energy. And like all yoga instructors, the toothpick droned on through class eventually telling us, “clear your mind. Just let everything go.” And to my surprise, there was already nothing to be found in that mind of mine.

And that made it worthwhile.

Secretly I claim to know a lot. I really don’t when it comes to my own life, but I think I know a few things at least. I know that that small span of time where it wasn’t hard to relax was incredible.

The next thing I know: the way employers treats their employees speaks loudly to our humanity. I think employers of America have one thing very wrong. They treat the legs of their workplace as if they should be serving the company in every possible way with nothing in return. It’s funny how hard it is to appreciate people and the hard work they do.

To go to work everyday and never be appreciated for your contributions and treated as though you do nothing at all. To think that if you stopped showing up, that company would suffer. And why should they not be grateful for their employees again?

Similarly, I think there is guilt to pass around for all of us. Could you just think about the people in your life for a moment? Just think about the things they do for you and for once not the things that they don’t do for you. And now ask yourself, have you done anything for them? Are you claiming a hold on something you yourself are neglecting in distributing? If the answer is no, remind yourself that you aren’t entitled to anything.

Although I know there is not some standard or group of laws about how to treat a person, I know there are ways I want to be treated. And if I can’t give other people that, why should I deserve it?

So tell me employers, friends, people, readers, do you appreciate the people around you? Do you forget to breath sometimes and become dizzy with monotony, overcome with self-loathing, self-deprecation, or the “I don’t deserve this” syndrome? If so, just know you aren’t alone and there is a way to fix things.

It’s almost been a year since graduation. I had no picture in my mind of where I thought I’d be. In fact, that picture is still unclear. Life is a series of events that you spend all your time trying to figure out. While I know that process will never stop, that there will always be something nagging me at the back of my mind, a feeling of inferiority, a lack of plan, non-ending under-appreciation and frustration, I am relieved that there are moments after the asthma attack where you can breath again. Like the soaked lavender wash cloth at the end of a hot yoga class slapped against your hot forehead giving you the one thing you need: relief.

Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written
It’s plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemptions
Would you agree?
If so please show me

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